


Fallen Mask

by jyooliang



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Drabble, Fluff, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-14
Updated: 2016-10-14
Packaged: 2018-08-22 08:58:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8280223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jyooliang/pseuds/jyooliang
Summary: Even though Taeyong was feeling like his entire life before the debut had been total failure, it was Donghyuck looking at him like he was waiting for nothing else than a good word from him, a smile, a look of pride.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This drabble is just really something I felt like writing in the middle of the night, but it still felt nice writing about these two considering how cute their friendship is. No general warning, apart from some grammar mistakes you may find since I'm not a native English speaker so please understand that ,,  
> Enjoy!

There were times Taeyong just couldn’t escape his mind. Negativity and a deep feeling of never being enough would hunt him down at the end of an exhausting day, when all he wanted to do was let his mask fall but couldn’t until he was alone in the dark, far away from his bandmates’ eyes. The last thing Taeyong needed was to make the others worry over something with no resolution anyway, for no one could forgive him enough to make Taeyong feel like he had forgiven himself as well.  
He was surrounded by such beautiful people and it wouldn’t help to look at the perfect human being Jaehyun was, the confident yet soft people Doyoung and Yuta were, the positive, gentle kids Mark and Sicheng were. It wouldn’t help to look at them to feel less wrong and out of place, someone who had to try unbelievably hard to make people love him, give him a chance to redeem. Some days it just hit him harder than others, that queasy feeling in the pit of his stomach that would make his appetite go, his ability to force a smile dissolve like he couldn’t even remember how to smile in the first place. During those days Taeyong would just tell the others he wanted to practice a little longer on his own, dance until his bones felt like breaking and go back to their dorm when no one had to be around anymore.  
It was late in the evening when Taeyong went back, that night, and he had never been so happy to see emptiness and dark welcoming him. With crazy schedules and never-ending practice sessions giving them hell he could perfectly understand why everyone seemed to be in bed already. It made him sigh out of relief in all honesty, the thought he didn’t have to reassure some of the others over his conditions.  
Sure enough, Taeyong wasn’t ready to enter his shared room and find lights still on, Donghyuck sitting on his bed with legs crossed and a book in his hands, humming his head to what seemed like classic music from the echo of his headphones. The leader closed the door behind him in a mixture of anger and surprise, easily giving up to the second, much warmer feeling as he payed attention to the way tiredness was painted all over Donghyuck’s face. He imagined the kid just found time to finish up his homework and it just hit him, how different the younger was from him. The way Donghyuck easily brought happiness in everyone’s life, the way his cute smile could melt ice or even his bratty behavior couldn’t make people doubt he was born to make the world a better place. Taeyong had been bratty himself, in the past, but he remembered it hurting people and he knew, Donghyuck was born to heal instead. 

The kid probably sensed his presence over the door because he suddenly looked up from his book and stared at Taeyong for a moment, taking his headphones off in no time.  
“You’re home.” he smiled sheepishly and stretched, probably sensing part of Taeyong’s thoughts from his glare because he shrugged a moment later “I couldn’t find time to read this chapter before.” 

Taeyong couldn’t explain the feeling those words, so extremely simple, brought up in his already tormented mind. He felt so incredibly sorry for Donghyuck but he didn’t feel like faking; he had went home thinking he could take off his mask already and he had no strength left to put it on again. He just wondered why that kid standing in front of his unprepared eyes had to be such a model student while Taeyong, back in the days, could find relief and a reason to be in dancing only, at the point to forget how to do anything else apart from it. He remembered finishing school because he had to, how everyone would just excuse his horrible grades with sentences like “SM is being too hard on him”, “the boy barely sleeps”, “he’s the company’s favorite, let’s just be soft”.  
Why would Donghyuck even try so hard? Wake up in the early morning to attend classes, never miss any activity with the group, practice until late evening and then listen to classic music to focus on leftover homework when he had to be asleep since hours?  
Taeyong felt that uneasy feeling twisting his stomach again and even though, as soon as he focused his eyes on the other, he just couldn’t miss Donghyuck looking at him expectantly. Even though Taeyong was feeling like his entire life before the debut had been total failure, it was Donghyuck looking at him like was waiting for nothing else than a good word from him, a smile, a look of pride. Why so, if Taeyong thought it was him having to try his best every single minute of the day to deserve love and respect his bandmates would give him blindly anyway?  
He looked away, feeling his nerves giving up to all the stress of the day in a way that made it impossible for him to control his actions. As he walked to his bed he knew, he could feel it, Donghyuck had long lost his smile and hope, probably going back to study as if Taeyong wasn’t even there. He felt sorry for the kid again, sat on the edge of the bed and held his head down feeling guilt filling up his lungs like glue preventing him from breathing properly. Donghyuck had his questionable ways of showing support but Taeyong knew, he had always known, he just wanted to be loved and honestly deserved it all. It was Taeyong being wrong. 

“Taeyong hyung,” Donghyuck’s voice surprised him over the noise of his thoughts, just like the sound of his footsteps coming closer to his figure “I’m going to take some biscuits, do you want some too?”  
The kid waited for an answer that didn’t come, taking it as a sign the older wasn’t in the mood to bear with his presence and just left the room quietly, making Taeyong give up to his frustration. He knew he wasn’t being fair to the younger, he knew just because they were roommates it wasn’t fair Donghyuck suffered too, maybe thinking he was unwanted, just a noisy bandmate Taeyong was forced to live with and nothing more. Because honestly, he was not. Taeyong loved him like he loved the others, probably a little more because he hated Donghyuck; he hated how positive and bright Donghyuck was and how he would secretly take care of them when no one watched, too scared of exposing himself and still be stereotyped as the naughty maknae. Scared of them being blind to his big heart, like Taeyong was being blind right then, when Donghyuck still came back from the kitchen with some biscuits he carefully left on Taeyong’s nightstand mutely.  
Taeyong realized he hated the distance between them more than anything else, how it was something Taeyong himself was stupidly increasing with his behavior. He really didn’t want to be blind or hurt the younger, the only thought of it making his heart ache. So he closed his eyes and talked as the problematic, insicure young boy he was for once, and not the responsible leader he had to be. 

“Sleep with me, tonight?”  
Those were words Taeyong never thought he would hear from himself, still he was glad he said them because as soon as he looked up at Donghyuck and saw the way the boy froze, staring at him with eyes full of delightedness, he could feel his lungs filling up with air again.  
“Really?” Donghyuck asked, walking a few steps toward him and closing a little bit in his shoulders “Can I?”  
“Hyung wants it.” Taeyong confessed in a little voice “Do you?”  
It was probably his young heart making everything so easy, but Donghyuck just jumped out of joy and nodded as if nothing happened, as if Taeyong never disappointed him few minutes before. 

Taeyong wondered what had he done to deserve such a bright ray of sunshine is his life. 

Donghyuck wasted no time and climbed on the bed with him, immediately showing his deep care in small gestures like making himself small so Taeyong could settle up, sliding his left arm just barely over the older’s stomach in a little attempt of a hug, while his right arm flew over Taeyong’s head so he could gently place his fingers in his hair, something that made the older tense for a moment.  
Donghyuck didn’t feel it or he didn’t care, Taeyong wasn’t sure, but he knew the younger had somehow hugged his entire soul and as soon as he felt fingers moving through his hair in soft gestures, he knew his body had just melted down on the mattress. Reluctantly, he let go of all the stress he had forced himself to, closing his eyes tiredly and trying his everything not to think of their age gap, the gap between their positions in the group. Right then he let go of the strong figure he needed to be for that kid, and just breathed as a young men in need of care. 

It felt like Donghyuck simply knew anyway, that Taeyong was in need of love and he also was the only one making a problem out of it, because the younger was smiling like he had waited for that one moment since ages.  
“Lean on me when you’re not strong.” Donghyuck whispered in the silence of the room, shaking Taeyong up from the inside at the realization his mask had been long forgotten, and no one was there to point fingers for it. When he opened his eyes again he saw a soft young smile instead, full of hope and joy, and he felt so incredibly stupid for having thought Donghyuck could need a formal “keep up with your hard work” more than a sincere smile full of thankfulness and pride.  
“Can I keep going, yes?” came the small voice of the younger, “So maybe.. you’ll fall asleep happily and dream lot of beautiful dreams.”  
There was nothing more Taeyong could do but smile shyly and briefly, and it was everything Donghyuck needed to just keep moving his hand through his hair naturally, until they both fell asleep with the younger’s cheek pressed softly on his leader’s temple.  
Taeyong didn’t know if he could really, finally dream beautiful dreams as Donghyuck had wished, yet he fell asleep conscious he was being loved despite his mask being left behind, and it was a feeling he wouldn’t have easily forgotten.  
He just needed to understand that everyone would love him the same as well, that everyone loved him the same already and probably always had, despite him feeling wrong, despite his past hunting him down every night and day because Taeyong, he really was the only one who still had to forgive himself.


End file.
